A New Way of Listening

Discuss this Article No responses yet, be the first... Enter your comment below.

To change outcomes we have to understand why we react and feel the way we do.  As we grow, we learn.  Learning means that we create "maps" or "files" in our mind about certain issues, people or tasks.  Those mental maps reflect what we where "told" and "observed" about an issue or person.  Consequently, whenever we need information about a person or subject, we just go back to the "map" and use the content to solve a problem or deal with a person.  It's like working on automatic - like 2x2 equals 4.  Not much energy is spent to regurgitate what we have internalized and most people never question if the content of their mental "maps" is true.  Why should they?  After all, we have acquired the information from trusted sources or have witnessed it with our own eyes. 

Why should we question ourselves?  First and foremost, we have to understand that every person judges others based on their own behavioral preferences.  If we have a non-assertive style, an assertive person comes across as pushy and overbearing, if our communication style is direct, cautious people, who need to ensure that the facts line up before giving their input, seem to be slow and indecisive.  And the "facts" trusted sources tell us about people are colored the same way.

If we look at issues, it becomes even more complex.  As we learn and experience, we establish filters in our minds.  And as new issues are coming up, we use these filters to judge, discuss or problem solve.  Two people with different pasts will look at the same issue differently and will take away different impressions and "facts".  So, how can we overcome our own bias?  The key is to open our minds, get off the automatic mode, and participate differently in conversations.  There are two keys to consider before using your mental "maps" to solve the issue or judge the person:

• 1) First, understand before making your points
• 2) Second, listen compassionately; put yourself in the other person's shoes and look at the issue through his or her eyes

Try it and you will find that some of the "facts" you know for sure might not be accurate at all.