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Growing up as children most of us was taught to "do unto others as we would like for them to do unto us." Simply saying for us to treat others as we like to be treated is often referred to as the Golden Rule. After doing Diversity and Inclusion work for so many years, I no longer believe that this Golden Rule is so golden or appropriate anymore.
I've come to realize that everyone does not want to be treated the same way that I want to be treated. I also realize that the behaviors that I consider to be respectful or disrespectful aren't necessarily the same behaviors that others consider to be respectful or disrespectful. So in other words, I have to treat others the way they want to be treated, not the way I want to be treated.
This concept in the world of diversity and inclusion is being referred to as the Platinum Rule. As co-workers, managers, supervisors, colleagues, and those delivering customer services to our clients that we have to take into consideration. You may be asking yourself, "How am I supposed to know how someone wants to be treated?"
Here are a few tips to consider:
- Watch people's body language as they respond to you after you have said or done something to them. Non-verbal communication is extremely important to any interaction. According to the experts, about 55% of our communication that occurs is based on body language.
- Have a conversation with that person to discuss how they want to be treated, especially if you are entering a long term relationship with this person and will be interacting with them frequently. Build a relationship with that person so there is an environment that creates an open dialogue.
- When you have what I consider an "ouch moment" with a person, go back and talk about it. Don't ignore it and let it fester. Unfortunately, that could turn into a huge conflict in the long run, if you don't address it. This may be an uncomfortable conversation initially, but it will probably save you a whole lot of trouble down the road. You have to decide when it is best to address it.
- I would never encourage anyone to address any issue like this in a public setting. The goal is not to embarrass or ridicule the person but to improve your relationship. Therefore, it may require coming back to it a day or two later. Also, I would not condone addressing the issue when you are so upset that you would not be professional. Therefore, the timing must be appropriate.
Remember the Golden Rule that many of us grew up with may not be as appropriate as we are now in a more diverse society. Additionally, if our goal is to be inclusive of others, we have to remember that "one size does not fit all."