R-E-S-P-E-C-T; Tell Me What it Means to You

written on September 24, 2010 by Tameka Taylor

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Respect is one of those words that we all use quite a bit and we usually think that we are using it the same way.  From a technical stance we usually define the word respect basically the same.  Respect means to feel or show honor or esteem for; hold in high regard; and to consider or treat with deference or dutiful regard.  However, the behaviors that demonstrate respect and disrespect are what vary from person to person.  This is where the concept of respect becomes complicated.

Examples of respectful and disrespectful behaviors vary for us all.  If I asked you to complete these 2 sentences along with several of your co-workers, family or friends and more than likely the responses will be different.  Think about how you would complete these sentences: 1) I feel respected when… and 2) I feel disrespected when… These sentences are completed a lot of different ways, and there are several themes that emerge.  Some of those themes are around communication, tone of voice, time, appreciation, and money to mention a few.

Additionally, there are some things that I notice when asking people to complete these two sentences.  First, many people find it easier to complete the sentence about disrespect.  It is much easier for us to articulate those disrespectful behaviors over respectful behaviors.  Second, the disrespectful statements are more emotionally charged.  People often have so many more answers for the disrespectful statement.

So if we are going to be respectful to people and stop disrespecting them, then we need to know what respectful and disrespectful behaviors are to them.  It becomes important for us to get to know people to understand what respect and disrespect looks like to them.  Most of the time people don’t set out to be disrespectful but it’s what happens when they don’t know people well.  We have to engage in conversations with people to know what respect looks like to them.  It goes back to the Platinum Rule of treating others like they want to be treated not the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated.

Tameka L. Taylor, Ph.D.
Partner and Consultant

Compass Consulting Services, LLC
216-299-7335
www.compassconsultingservices.com