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All of us have had experiences where we feel misunderstood, wronged or even taken advantage of. One of my favorite coined sayings is that "conflict isn't the worst thing that can happen to you; not resolving it is."
Most people feel ill-equipped to handle conflict constructively and either retreat in avoidance (albeit nursing their wounds) or spout off like a geyser in the national park with little forethought or concern about the consequences of their aggressive outburst. Both styles are equally injurious. Both can have the insidious and imperceptible consequences like Chinese water torture resulting in feelings of resentment and distancing in the relationship.
The unfortunate and injurious outcome is that conflict is neither resolved nor is the relationship restored. There are alternative healthier solutions to addressing the conflict in a healthy, constructive and mature way.
Below are 7 simple tips to get you started to having healthier conversations and better relationships by learning the skill of conflict resolution:
1) Think through and script out the conversation ahead of time. (This is not the time to fly by the seat of your pants.) Practice and rehearse to help you maintain a calm state of mind and calm presence.
2) Keep in mind the goal of your conversation and so that you can pick and choose what concerns to address and what to leave out. This is not the time for total, unabashed honesty of sharing every shortcoming the other person possesses.
3) Focus on the behavior of the other person. Do not play amateur psychologist, do not make interpretations or pass judgments. Purely stick to the facts (e.g., Sally, the team needs you to show up on time for our meetings. I've noticed for the last 3 days you're arriving 10 minutes late).
4) Use neutral - rather than loaded - language in the conversation. Don't throw verbal hand grenades.
5) Ask for the other person's participation and involvement in the conversation. Don't hijack the conversation with a diatribe or monologue.
6) Listen with an open mind
7) Close with clarity and be gracious - what have you learned and what can be expected. Hopefully both of you feel something worthwhile has been gained.
By Dr. Ingeborg Hrabowy
For more information on me or my company and ways I can assist your company please contact me @ 440.838.5011 or email DocHrabowy@aol.com